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It’s been a while since my last blog and I’m so excited (and nervous) to be writing this post today. For some reason, I have butterflies in my tummy and my fingers are tapping away at the keyboard anxiously. This is a very personal post for me and it’s one that I have been tossing around in my mind with for months – should I write it, or shouldn’t i? Well, I’ve decided to dig deep and let the words flow. So, here goes.
I want to talk to you about something that all of us women have and that is, boobies. Yep. Breasts. Why am I so nervous talking about this subject? Well, I want to share with you my personal experience with breastfeeding, particularly how I went with the twins and the current state of my breasts and what I’m considering doing.
Before I had my first baby, I knew that I wanted to breastfeed. I had a beautiful (I didn’t think it was beautiful at the time!) natural birth with a 14 hour labour and my little lady took to the breast straight away. It was a textbook birth, my milk came in easily and while I found it challenging at times, I breastfed her for 9 months straight. When I finished breastfeeding, I noticed the toll it took on my breasts (I went from a C cup to an A cup), but to be honest – didn’t care too much about it. I knew they had done the job that nature intended them to do and I felt pretty proud of myself – as I know that a lot of mums out there struggle with feeding issues. I considered myself pretty lucky.
Two months after I finished breastfeeding, I was pregnant with the twins. I went from my A cup back up to C-D cup within a few weeks and with chronic morning sickness for five months and a one-year old toddler to look after – thinking about my chest was the last thing on my mind. Fast forward 9 months and here I was again, breastfeeding two new beautiful babies. My twins were breeched and born via c-section at 36 weeks weighing in at just over 4 pound (2kg) each. I don’t know how they escaped the special care nursery, but they did. They took to the boob straight away and I learned the art of tandem breastfeeding. My amazing midwives helped me every step of the way and I was determined once again to get into a solid feeding pattern so that my little people could grow and prosper. In those first few months, I fed two babies at a time every 3 hours. Each feed would take me 1.5hrs and I’d be lucky to get a shower in or play a quick game of hide and seek with my 19 month old toddler.
In the first month of feeding, I had enough milk to feed about four babies. My body kicked into overdrive and knew it had to produce a plentiful amount of liquid gold for my offspring. The problem was, I couldn’t keep up. I had milk leaking between feeds, I’d have to express before feeds so the twins could latch on properly, I’d have to put cabbage leaves on after my feeds and I ended up with Mastitis five times. The last two times were severe, I had raging temps, chills, shivers and abscess’s starting to form on my breasts. I was trying to even out the milk supply by switching the twins on each breast, during the feeds – but nothing was calming it down. I refused to give up. I ended up finding my flow (pardon the pun) by just delegating one baby one breast each. And it worked. My little lady had my left side and my little man had the right side. I continued to feed them for just under ten months.
I’m not going to lie, when I weaned the twins at that age, I was looking forward to getting my breasts back. To me, there’s something womanly and private about my chest area. I was looking forward to feeling like they were mine again. They had been on a very big journey and I felt like it was my turn to heal after two very close pregnancies and 19 months of breastfeeding three kids. The twins put on exceptional levels of weight, they grew into healthy little babies and again, I still to this day feel pretty proud for breastfeeding as long as I did.
A few months after I finished feeding – I started to feel very self-conscious about my chest. As my son had taken a lot more milk (and is now about 4kg heavier than his twin!!) – my right side had produced a lot more milk and it was starting to sag a lot lower than my left breast. Over time, it has now become about 3-4cm droopier than my left side. And unless I have a heavily padded bra on, it is very noticeable, even through an everyday t-shirt.
My journey to strength over the past 15 months has included a lot of self-love, physical fitness, emotional fitness and I’ve come to terms with things like excess skin and postpartum marks. But, one area I’ve never touched on in my pages – is my breasts. Why? Well, because that’s a new level of privacy and it’s not something I’ve been confident enough to talk about, until now. Why am I talking about it now? Well, it’s because I’m looking at getting surgery to reposition my right breast, lift it and get them back to their original size and shape. And, I just feel compelled to share this with you and I’d love to hear your own personal thoughts and opinions too.
I have been to several surgeons over the past year and done several consultations with them, but i didn’t want to rush this process and I’m fairly confident that I’ve found the right ‘fit’ for me in terms of a qualified plastic surgeon. I will discuss who that is once I’ve made my final decisions.
Those who know me will understand that if I do go ahead with the surgery that I’m not about to start posing in a low-cut sports bra for the world to see or suddenly pop up in a bikini taking a selfie with some DD size perky breasts in it. It’s just not me. To be honest, I won’t be posting photos of them and you probably wouldn’t even know that I’ve had them done – but as I said, I felt the pull within to share this with you and take you on my journey.
What was your experience with breastfeeding? How are you feeling now? Have you undergone breast surgery? What are your thoughts? Feel free to email me [email protected] I’d love to hear from you.